INDIVIDUAL OR CORPORATE STYLE?

Do you know that most men and women spend more time agonizing over what to wear for a special event or an important business meeting more than how to resolve a sticky business situation? 

I happen to know several executives who perennially come in late for corporate functions and even for training sessions simply because they have to change clothes several times until they feel confident enough to get out.

How do we avoid falling into the same trap? Let me share some steps to take to develop more “savvy” in dressing up: 

1. Know your best colors - When you feel really good after putting on a certain dress, take note of the color. Your glandular system just triggered a kind of a “blink” moment for you. You don’t know why, but it sure feels good. 

A sure way of becoming more attuned to your best colors would be to “drape” yourself by placing a piece of fabric under your chin before a mirror to see if your face “lights up.” Your face should glow or sparkle if you put on your best colors.

2. Pay particular attention to the neckline of your blouse and the blending with your blazer. People usually notice your upper piece of clothing first. 

3. Organize your accessories – The right choice of earrings or necklace could make your simple outfit stand out. On the other hand, the wrong choice of accessories could create an imbalance in your look. 

A lady friend of mine decided to transition from corporate executive to management consultant. As a result, she had to store her suits in favor of business casual clothes. She also learned to match her accessories to her upper clothing. She had a session with me for a color assessment, and this helped her pick the right colors for her new outfits.

While common sense logic dictates that my friend should stick to the conservative or formal style of clothing, her individual style was clearly more feminine and elegant. This allowed her to express herself better, and she exuded more confidence during her business presentations.

If your organization provides uniforms for everybody, you can still maintain your individual style by wearing your preferred accessories, such as a set of pearl stud earrings with a pearl necklace or a pearl brooch. A sound suggestion would be to limit the number of accessories. You will look too “dressy” if you wear both the necklace and the brooch at the same time. 

If you prefer a contrast in colors, you can also exchange the necklace or brooch with a shawl or a scarf. Just make sure that the shawl or scarf provides an attractive contrast to the color of your blazer or dress. For example, red and black or navy blue and white would be great contrasting colors. 

Not all of us are gifted with long legs, so women with short legs can create an illusion of looking taller by wearing dark-colored slacks, ¾-sleeved blouses or dresses, and skirts with up to mid-knee or slightly below-the-knee hemlines. 

Men, meanwhile, need to be careful about the length of their barongs or jackets. If they don’t have long legs, they need to make sure that the length of their upper clothing will not be more than one inch below their “walking line” or buttocks. 

We don’t have to give up our own personality and individual style just to conform with the dress code set by our organizations. We can still find harmony with ourselves and our clothing by undergoing a color and style analysis with a certified image consultant.

If your closets are full of clothing that you no longer enjoy wearing, it could be because it does not fit your “best” colors and styles. It is about time to call for a professional closet analysis and to get a one-on-one personal style lesson – how and what to alter, what to look for, and how to put everything together for a terrific “look.” 

You can also seek professional help with a professional personal shopper. Not only will you get new clothes that give a “lift” to your steps, but you will also learn how to see “new-for-me” possibilities in the stores.

photos courtesy of getty images and image bank

InterPersonal Excellence with Dina Loomis with Raju Mandhyan

Looking Good and Staying Young

“After a certain age, you get the body and face you deserve. Don’t allow stress, discontent or self-pity to get the better of you. It’s very hard to look young and vital when these tensions are mirrored on your face.”

- Bronwen Meredith

If you sometimes find yourself staring at your mirror, counting the lines on your face, surveying the gray areas in your hair, tracing the flab in your body, and looking helplessly at your bloated tummy, welcome to the club!

These changes that occur in our bodies are just part of the aging process. However, the good news is, we don’t have to surrender and let aging take over our lives.

Age is no longer a limitation to change; but the more we postpone it, the more difficult it is to get our desired results and to undo our acquired bad habits. The possibilities are almost endless. The caveat is, it is not about becoming a flawless beauty queen, a champion runner or a super slim model. We do have the power to reverse the aging process with some knowledge and a little effort.

The new man or woman with an ageless attitude focuses on health, vitality, optimism, and achievement. How you feel, think, and look at any particular moment are what counts. The roles that were once reserved for the young can now be performed almost throughout our lifetime.

How do Sofia Loren, Shirley Maclaine, Robert Redford, Richard Geere, Cory Quirino, Tingting Cojuangco, and Eddie Garcia manage to look good and stay young? The key is to remain interesting and vibrant. Their beautiful image and projection has more to do with personality, presence, and self-confidence rather than actual beauty. Their appeal is their strength of character, knowing what they want and getting what they want.

It has nothing to do with having an ideal weight, height or features. It has everything to do with being sensible, open-minded, physically fit, and possessing an attitude of gratitude. People, who are grateful for being alive and who appreciate what life gives them, project an irresistible aura of charm and self-assurance.

It is our lifestyle that greatly dictates the length and health of our lives. Studies around the world have shown that the following are the main contributing factors for a long and healthy life:

1. A simple diet of natural foods, low in fat, high in vegetables, grains and fruits;

2. Plenty of exercise or outdoor work;

3. A stress-free, relaxed attitude with a positive view of events;

4. Awareness of being useful, needed, and loved;

5. Living a purposeful life; and

6. A degree of genetic influence

Beyond these, it will be of great benefit to us, if we stop dwelling on our imperfections. We can capitalize on our strengths and just continue to correct our weaknesses. We can also learn to like ourselves and our bodies. How we feel about ourselves is more important to our well being than an extra inch or a pound of flesh.

Meaningful work is also vital to our well being. If we do something rewarding, aging is more acceptable. Success is like a magnet—it shows, and it’s youthful.

I have had the great opportunity of observing at close range my own mother, Conchita Torres-Hermosisima, because she stayed with me for over eight years until she passed away last December 29th. I believe if she did not get stricken with cancer, she would still be alive up to now, for she had a zest for life. Her inner beauty and radiant charm was like a magnet to all who knew her. That is why even at the ripe old age of 86, the members of the Philippine Chapter of ALA (American Ladies Auxiliary), comprised of widows of Filipino veterans of World War II, still insisted that she keep on attending their monthly meetings, for she provided “life and spice” to their meetings.

Considering the many ailments that she endured, on top of her cancer, such as: arthritis, angina, ulcer, and insomnia, she still radiated a captivating love of life and sincere care for people, which endeared her to her family, relatives, friends and acquaintances.

What were some of the admirable traits that made my mother stand out and kept her bubbling with joy, despite her old age and many ailments? Let me list them down as follows:

1. She had a forgiving heart. She never held grudges against anyone, even to those who had hurt her in the past. She went out of her way to win back the friendships of people who had put her down and had treated her unfairly. Because our emotions and tensions are reflected in our faces, people who practice the healing power of forgiveness radiate a calm and accepting aura devoid of rancor and bitterness.

2. She maintained a hobby and her interest in people. During her retirement years, she became an avid letter writer, keeping in touch with friends and relatives, both here and abroad. On the average, she wrote four to five letters a day without fail, in her beautiful handwriting and on her customized stationery, sans the benefit of the computer and the internet. She also regularly called friends and relatives over the phone just to find out how they were. Being very friendly, she also quickly developed friendships with our neighbors whom she regularly visited. These activities kept her in touch with life and away from boredom and restlessness.

Another example of this concept is the late President Cory Aquino. After her presidency was over, she took up art lessons and painted flowers and landscapes, which were well appreciated by those who have had the privilege of viewing or owning them. Tita Cory, as she was fondly called, was always brimming with joy when she was immersed in her paintings.

Both my mother and Pres. Cory possessed a deep spirituality that enabled them to survive pain, disappointments, and grief and also imbued them with inner peace. People saw them as beautiful, because their eyes and faces reflected an indescribable beauty brought about by self-acceptance and balance. Their deep faith had gifted them with an ageless look.

Finally, the sensible and practical way of staying young is to be vigilant about our daily routine. While it is almost impossible to always observe moderation in everything we do, we can learn to balance our indulgences with immediate corrective actions. For example, if we indulge in a huge rich dinner one evening, we can limit ourselves to eating only vegetables and fruits the following day. If the night before, we drank too much alcohol, we can help our liver by drinking lots of lemon juice diluted with mineral water today.

For the longest time, Hollywood actress Elizabeth Taylor was considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world, an ageless beauty who found fulfilment and happiness in her chosen field and who always married for love.

It is my hope that, just like Elizabeth Taylor, we can all look at our mirror one day, stare at the lines on our face and the gray in our hair and say, with a smile, “I have earned them.”

all photos from getty images

EMBRACING AND PRACTICING CIVILITY

“Good manners must be inspired by the good heart.  There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us.”

                                                  -         Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you sometimes wonder where all the kindness, caring and considerate behavior have all gone?  Are you also bothered by the lack of good manners, the careless talk, and the rudeness displayed by some of your co-employees and even managers?

Thank God for the following initiatives by: 

1) Dr. P.M. Forni of Johns Hopkins University, who co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility Project and who wrote two blockbuster books, “Choosing Civility” and “The Civility Solution”; and

2) the Association of Image Consultants International (AICI), which adopted Dr. Forni’s Civility Code of Conduct and launched the Civility Counts Project in order to spread civility worldwide thru the Civility Ambassadors Program.

PMAP (People Management Association of the Philippines) was one of the first organizations in the country which endorsed AICI’s Civility Awareness Month in May.  The PMAP Board, led by President Schubert Caesar “Bong”Austero, approved the resolution and signed our organization’s pledge to observe civility during the month of May.

During PMAP’s Strategic Planning held in July at the PMAP Center, the Good Governance Committee endorsed civility as one of the core competencies to be included in our organization’s good governance proposal to Congress.  Now, that’s what I call commitment.

The essence of civility can be interpreted in one simple sentence—“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”—which is the golden rule.

Dr. Forni’s code of conduct is based on the three R’s: Respect, Restraint, and Responsibility.  The world needs it now more than ever, because of all the rudeness going on around us.

What actually causes rudeness? The results of a survey sponsored by Johns Hopkins University revealed that there are three basic reasons why people become rude:

Stress – The demands on our time and attention have become overwhelming for most of us, and these have made us feel trapped. When more work is given to us, the more we tend to get short-tempered.

Unhappiness – Most people managers might not realize that each employee comes to work with his personal concerns.  When emotions are involved, it becomes very difficult for people to stay calm.  Even an innocent remark can trigger a rude reaction from a troubled individual.

Feeling rushed – Deadlines, changing schedules, and demands from bosses, co-employees and clients can also become a big burden to sensitive people.  For some, it could even bring on a shouting bout.

An American author, Roberta Cava, in her book “Handling Difficult People” wrote:

“There is really no difficult person.  A seemingly difficult person, when moved to a different time, place, and situation, can become gentle, pleasant, and easy to get along with.”

We do need to pause and discover where a person is coming from before we pass judgment on his words and actions.

An American seminar leader and motivational speaker wrote how he rediscovered this principle. During one of his public seminars, he noticed a man who was seated up front and who was intermittently closing his eyes every few minutes.  After an hour, he became bothered and moved closer to the man to find out why he was constantly closing his eyes.  At that point, he overheard the man telling his seatmate, “My doctor warned me not to attend this seminar because I just had an eye surgery a few days ago.  I resisted his warning because I have been dreaming of listening to our speaker for a long time.  I could not miss this opportunity, so he relented and made me promise to close my eyes every few minutes, to avoid too much strain and even blindness.”  You can imagine the chagrin that the speaker felt.  Here he was, talking about holding judgment on other people, yet he himself was tempted to pass judgment as well.

It takes restraint, willpower, and practice to withhold judgment on other people, but anyone who will master this philosophy will reap abundant rewards.  He will not only create goodwill and build smooth relationships, he will also be known for being even-tempered and cool-headed.  As a result, people will consult him, and he will most likely be elected to leadership positions in any organization.

The book by Christine Pearson and Christine  Porath entitled “The Cost of Bad Behavior: How Incivility is Damaging Your Business and What to Do About It” cites that corporate America has borne astonishing losses of up to $300 billion a year because of incivility.  More than half of the victims of incivility in the workplace leave their employers as a result of bad treatment.

I would not be surprised at all that, if a similar survey will be done in Asia and elsewhere in the world, said surveys would yield the same results.

An article from PRWeb, entitled “What It’s Worth – How Bad Behavior At Work Affects More than Morale,” refers to the book of Christine Pearson and Christine Porath, which reveals that employees who feel they have been rudely treated will naturally inflict purposeful or accidental harm on their organizations by evoking justice in various forms…at their employers’ expense. 

At the CPBI (Canadian Pension & Benefits Institute) Forum 2011 held in Vancouver, Canada last May 18-20, 2011, with the theme “The Power of Civility,” it was shown that problem managers are a big problem, according to a survey done by the Canadian HR Reporter, as revealed in a published article.  The insight gathered from the forum was that lack of training and awareness  was at the root of problem behavior.

One of the most common forms of rudeness comes in the guise of sarcastic remarks passed off as dry wit.  Sadly, it has become accepted or ignored even at the highest levels of government offices and private organizations, and very little has been done to correct it.  It is an opportune time to remember Proverbs 12:14 “From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.” The man who is careful with his words and how it impacts on others is a man who is far from trouble.

How do we react to rudeness then?  By practicing civility.  The good book tells us in Romans 12: 17-18 “Do not repay evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

A story is told of how Leonardo da Vinci had a bitter rival, another painter who was a sworn enemy, and how much they hated each other. Leonardo painted his enemy’s face as the face of Judas when he painted the legendary Sistine Chapel. When he tried to paint the face of Jesus, he could not get the inspiration to do it. After reflecting on his temporary lack of inspiration, he realized that when he vented his hatred for his enemy by painting his enemy’s face as the face of Judas, he literally dried up his spirit.  He, thus, erased Judas’ face and replaced it with an imaginary face.  Only then did he get the inspiration to paint the face of Jesus.

It is undeniable that we are often subjected to various degrees of stress and feelings of being rushed, and that we experience some form of discontent at different times of our lives.  These, of course, can lead to negative thinking, rude language, and bad behavior.

As we ponder on these realities, let us recall the prayer of St. Francis of Assissi:

“Lord, let me be an instrument of your peace, where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.  Oh, Divine Master, grant that I may not seek so much to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.  For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”

We can be the solution to the growing concern on incivility.  We can be the peacemaker in times of conflict, and we can be the cheerful heart that heals the wounded spirit.

Let us refresh the hearts and minds of those around us.  Let us start embracing and practicing civility.

pictures from www.gettyimages.com 

Are You Stressed Out?

photo from getty images

Since my husband’s death last March 12, my stress level has been rising steadily.  Not only was his death so sudden, he neglected to prepare for it. He did not leave any will, which made me work overtime just to meet all the legal requirements of the US Embassy for them to issue a death certificate.  I also have to deal with the staff of the US bank where his personal account is deposited and collaborate with his living heirs, his three children who are all living in America.

He was so used to assisting me with all the technical aspects of my business and training programs, that he was the only one who knew where all the equipment were and the tools  that went with it. You can just imagine all the searching and testing that went on before we finally made our computers, sound systems, video cameras and other equipment function normally.

photo from getty images

The financial mess that ensued from his sudden death is too painful to even be recalled. Suffice it to say that for the first time in two decades, I am paying my credit cards in installments. You see, I have made it a habit to settle all my credit card bills the moment I receive it, so that I don’t get charged with monthly interest.  As a result, I have to work harder just to pay all my other bills on time.

On top of all these, several clients demanded that I conduct my training programs all in the month of May! They all had their deadlines to fulfill. I had no choice.  But wait, all but two of the programs will be conducted out-of-town, which means that I will be losing man-hours in travelling.

At the time of this writing, I completed one session with resounding success, with three regions of DEPED extending their invitation for me to conduct the same program, “Enhancing Personal and Professional Image.”

The point is, in the process of pleasing my customers and constantly asking for God’s help in focusing on the task at hand and giving me a “second wind,” I discovered that my stress level lowered considerably. I actually started enjoying what I was doing and savoring the adventure of being in a brand new environment.

What did this experience teach me? I realized that most of our tension and stress are self-induced. Our preconceived notions of how things ought to be done and how situations should be handled get in the way of our own happiness and well-being. In other words, when we learn to “go with the flow,” we are doing ourselves a great favor. We start to perform with energy and enthusiasm and effortlessly reach our peak levels.

I look forward to conducting my other programs, especially “Delighting Your Customers” for the employees of El Nido Resorts in Palawan.

Look for El Nido Resorts in the internet and you will see why it is such a pleasure to be there. It is so lovely, it takes my breath away. It is like being in a little piece of heaven, your own paradise. Yes, indeed, I have a lot to be thankful for.

The next time you feel like shouting, pulling your hair, and saying “Give me a break…”stop, breathe deeply and find a reason to be joyful. Appreciate what you have and anticipate the graces and blessings our Lord has in store for you. It never ceases to amaze me, how we can turn our life around, just by changing the way we think.

Think about it. Are you really stressed out, or just venting out?

Beware of Scams

Photo from www.impactlab.net

If you are like most people, who have only the best intentions in mind, you are most likely going to be another victim to the myriad of scams going around.

Imagine my surprise when I got an email, telling me that I stand to inherit a fortune of over  $18m, because of my surname. The sender explained that he is a lawyer who is looking for someone with the Loomis surname, because he used to work for a self-made millionaire who cut off relations with his relatives in the US over twenty years ago. He also warned me not to mention it to anyone and that all I have to do is sign documents that he will prepare claiming that I am the lone next of kin of the deceased millionaire. Of course, I consulted a lawyer friend, who immediately searched the web and discovered hundreds of similar cases all done thru the net. By this time, the sender was very eager to start the transaction and urged me to act with haste. When I did not reply anymore, the messages abruptly ceased.

Photo from www.watchforscams.com

Con artists also use the cell phone for their scams. These are easier to detect though, because of the absurdity of their claims, like you have just won several hundred thousand pesos in a raffle contest, and all you need to do is give your bank account details, so they can deposit your winnings directly. Who can possibly fall for such a lie?

They are everywhere…just waiting for another gullible soul to fall prey to their tricks.

Catching them would be next to impossible, because they remain anonymous, and you never get to see them at all. So, how do you stop them? You can’t…they simply vanish and move on to other possible victims.  The next best thing is to warn others and stay on guard for whatever new or novel and elaborate schemes they might create next time.

As the familiar saying goes, “If it is too good to be true, it is not true at all.”

Are You Garbed for Travel?

Even travel-savvy people sometimes fall into the trap of wearing the wrong outfits and bringing the wrong items on their trips.

A friend of mine asked me what she should bring and wear for her trips. For her sake, and for many others like her, let me share these practical and easy tips to follow:

1. Wear comfortable flat shoes called slip-ons. Sneakers with shoestrings can be cumbersome, as you have to untie and tie the laces every time you go through airport security checkpoints. If you can find sneakers with Velcro or without any strings, they could become your favourite travel shoes. If you plan to travel soon, find at least one pair that can make your feet happy.

2. For people like me who love hats, keep your hats in a hat box while traveling. You will avoid constantly taking it off and forgetting it in the airports.

3. Avoid wearing baggy dresses. You could be subjected to unwelcome hand frisking if you do.

4. If you plan to bring a substantial amount of money, it is better to buy travellers cheques for your own security.

5. Bring a neck support with a snap, so you can attach it to your handbag. If it doesn’t have one, you can sew your own snap. This will ensure that you will not buy a new one for each trip.

6. Bring a self-help book or magazines that will feed your mind and turn your waiting time into productive and pleasurable moments.

  

7. Make sure you have at least two good writing and signing pens. You cannot always borrow one on the plane to complete your arrival cards.

8. Put all liquid gifts or souvenir items inside your check-in luggage. Airport security personnel will confiscate these items if they find them in your carry-on bags.

9. If you are travelling overseas, it will be wise to log on to your destination’s website, for specific guidelines on travel warnings, prohibited items and apparel, as well as local customs and traditions.

A wise man once said, “Traveling is the best education in the world.” If you can get educated, be safe and have fun along the way, that’s even better, isn’t it?

Third Image Forum a Roaring Success!

Hotel Celeste Makati was abuzz with interest and enthusiasm as members of the Philippine Chapter Initiative of the Association of Image Consultants International and their guests trooped to the fourth floor function room to attend the much-awaited Third Image Forum.

Extra chairs had to be brought in to seat the blockbuster audience.  Delby Bragais, the President, was beaming with pride and pleasure as she welcomed members and guests alike.  Karen Agustin-Ostrea, the President-Elect, hosted the event and called on Abby Arenas-de Leon to introduce the main speaker, Dina H. Loomis.

Dina regaled the audience with her action-packed and fast-moving talk entitled “Multiply Your Income with Presentation Mastery.” She called on one of the guests, Julius Magno, to deliver an impromptu talk using the outline that she presented.  Instant feedback and suggestions for improvement were given by Brooks Loomis. A great roar of delight came from the audience when they were treated to a fireworks display on the screen followed by a rain of confetti at the end of her presentation.

Karen introduced the second speaker, Toastmasters International Champion speaker, Orly Tugob, who spoke on the topic “Effective Negotiation Skills.” A quiz was given to everyone to determine each individual’s negotiation style.  Orly’s talk elicited a flurry of questions and comments and a high level of excitement.

Delby quipped, “Dina and Orly you have both gained an instant fans club tonight.”

Photo Captions from the Slide Show

1. Jewel Lobaton-Pimentel registering for the image forum, while Karen Agustin-Ostrea looks on.
2. Abby Arenas-De Leon, Ms. D, Karen Agustin-Ostrea, and Baby Doble prior to the start of the program.
3. President Delby Bragais, AICI, FLC welcomes the audience to the 3rd Image Forum. 
4. Ms. D gestures while demonstrating effective delivery skills.
5. Ms. D explains three opportunities for speakers.
6. Audience participation with Julius Magno, who gave an impromptu talk.
7. Ms. D ended with a bang…(Note fireworks display on the screen)
8. …followed by a rain of confetti.
9. Audience was asked to participate in a negotiation quiz.
10. Orly Tugob discussed the different negotiation styles.
11. Orly Tugob recommended reading selected books on negotiations before the end of his talk.
12. President Delby thanking the audience and inviting interested parties to join the Philippine Chapter Initiative.

Recession-Proof Shopping

 

 “I never have enough money for the items I need to buy.” Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? “Why did I ever buy that perfume? I have more than a year’s supply at home.” How about this familiar gripe? “Everything is too expensive. The only thing that doesn't go up is my income.”

The recession that started in America, spread to Europe and infected the rest of the world has caused so much anxiety among the average income earners and of course has stifled the ordinary shoppers.

There has to be a way to shop without going bankrupt. Here are a few suggestions to sail from payday to payday without spending everything you have earned.  In fact, you can still shop, save money and even have fun in the process.

1. Practice delayed gratification – Avoid buying on impulse. “This is a common weakness among people and can be avoided by making a list of things to buy ahead of time and crossing out items that are not absolutely needed.

2. Veer away from the “bargain syndrome” – I used to be “sucked in” to a buying spree every time I saw any of these signs: “Buy One Take  One,” “50% Discounts,””Closing Out Sale,” etc.  As a result, I ended up throwing it away when I discovered it in a secluded corner of one of my closets and noticed the expiry dates.

3. Canvass first – Take time to visit several shops first and compare quality and price before buying. Sometimes, cheaper is not always better.  Especially when it comes to clothing apparel, the best gauge to determine its value is how often you can wear it until it starts looking old. Food items are even more critical. Our stomach and health could be adversely affected, if we buy based on price alone. You may decide to buy the lower-priced item only if the other item is of the same quality.

4. Cook your own food – Eating at restaurants or buying food from delicatessens can add up to a lot of money. You will be pleasantly surprised by how much you have saved simply by eating at home or bringing a lunch box to your office. Others take their lunches at reasonably-priced canteens.

5. Bring bottled water – This will save you money and save your health as well. You will be tempted to buy bottled beverages or cans of soda if you don’t have bottled water with you.

This is just a short list to start thinking about buying only what you truly need and not whatever you want. It helps to ask God for will power to resist the numerous temptations to buy what you see on TV ads or huge billboards around town as well. The money that you save today could help build your “nest egg” for tomorrow.